So, tomorrow I set off for Long Island to see longtime friend Daniela, to stay over for a night, and then to audition for the Chautauqua Summer Institute on Sunday. This will be an incredibly fun and also nervewracking experience.
It's the toughest part of being a performer, you know? You walk into a room, and you lay your talent on the line, and either they like you or you don't. You have remarkably little control over their feelings toward you, apart from your years of intensive study. You also have remarkably little control over how they make you feel, apart from your driven, stubborn, almost obsessive intentions to keep going and become the best no matter what any person may say or do or how many times you get rejected (within reason). See, that's the problem. All you can ever give in your audition is the best you've got, but what if the best you've got isn't going anywhere? A lack of acceptance can either mean that a talent hasn't fully bloomed yet or that a talent won't bloom without some major reconstruction, if at all.
The point is, the worrying doesn't matter or help at all. The point is, I had a good lesson today and that if I don't get accepted to Chautauqua right now there's always next summer and the summer after that and so on, not to mention other programs and a prospective pilgrimage to Spain. The point is, life is full of ups and downs and twists and turns and there is no use in planning or worrying when the only control one has over life is at this very moment, as it passes.
So what do I have? I have a bag with some audition clothes and jewelry, and diva pajamas, and an Opera News magazine and Master and Commander (the book, which I'm reading courtesy of Julia MacDougall). I have an audition binder with all my music and rep sheets and resumes and a headshot or two. I have some cookies for Daniela that I made tonight as a thank you for letting me stay. I have a Garmin GPS unit which, God willing, will keep me on track in the city. I have directions to Daniela's house and directions to Juilliard. I have a cell phone containing the numbers of several musicians and the other half of a kick-ass energies-calling team who will probably all receive calls from me at some point. I have a developing singing technique that shows its flaws and its progress.
Oh, and I have my One Ring replica. And if there's a way for me to wear it during the audition, you're damned straight I'm going to.
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Have you ever been to the institute? We had an NEJCYM meeting at Ted Anderson's church once, inside the institute. Pretty neat place. Todd is actually thinking of trying to work with their theatre company. The woman who directs it has worked a lot of the shakespeare theatre at drew that todd loves. Break a leg!
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