MYRTLE

So you guys, I've been having trouble getting up the nerve to post stuff for you because Alien Woman was the experience to end all experiences. Alas, life must move on and something funny happened today so I'm going to tell you about it. Take that!

I get this really angry woman on the phone this morning, who wanted to drive way the hell down here to make reservations which is totally unnecessary because you can just do them OVER THE PHONE with friggin' plastic. It took me an unnecessary amount of time to effectively explain this to her, but eventually I got her to believe that yes her reservation would be valid if she used one of those newfangled "cash cards" (I'm not kidding she called it that) to make reservations with me.

The whole time, she's very annoyed with me for being helpful and answering her questions, and when I asked her name, she said "MYRTLE" with the greatest disdain I have ever heard any human being express. No last name, just Myrtle.

Dear Myrtle, perhaps you might personify your name a bit more in your daily activities? I picture a Myrtle as gentle and kind, a curly-haired, '50s-era woman who makes cookies and is maybe the tiniest bit slow on the uptake. Life would work out better for you that way!

MYRTLE.