The Advantages of being Attractive

So, I wrote in a blog post awhile ago that I've lost some weight. It's true, and I'm up to 50lbs total loss now! W00T! One of the consequences of this is that I'm more attractive to the average male. This would be fine if I were still somewhere like Hamilton (where people bathe, and I could attract a rich sugah daddah) but I work at the train station (where no one bathes, everyone smokes, and all the guys have this "I'm being really protective" attitude just so they can get close enough to you to stare at your tits and ass unnoticed. NO REALLY I'M NOT BITTER AT ALL).

Mostly, I just feel sort of weird about it. It makes me feel squirmy, and makes my face scrunch up like when I've had too many tequila shots. I'm not used to attention in that way at all, and now it is coming from everywhere! I've started learning all the tricks, like wearing fitted shirts that aren't too tight with a scarf to cover your boobs, wearing my hair up in that school marm way to make people feel like I'm a Sunday School teacher or at least someone who has too much of a stick up her ass to put up with your crap, wearing my coat all the time (OH WAIT THAT'S BECAUSE OUR RENT APPARENTLY DOESN'T COVER ACTUALLY BEING WARM IN THE WINTER THANKS ONEIDA COUNTY), and sucker-punching guys in the balls when they won't BTFU.

Seriously though, there are people who know me from work now, who never saw me when I was at my heaviest. Sometimes I wish I could switch back and forth from old body to new body. It'd totally be my superpower if I could. Creepy unattractive smelly man comes in? Old body. Super attractive rich guy comes in? New body. President Bush comes in? Old body. President Obama comes in? New body. Want me to shoo away the parolees hanging around outside the door? Old body. Meeting with people to discuss giving me a raise? New body.

There are advantages that come with being a not-so-overweight young woman in a train station full of aging, stupid men. Mostly they want to do things for me, so I let them. Our dumpster is gone, so you're letting us use yours even though you're not supposed to? That's great! You want to help us take out the trash? Sure! You'll talk to the County about the heat? Awesome, thanks so much! I never give them anything more than a smile, but they walk away seemingly feeling like a million bucks. The feminist part of me finds this practice objectionable, but the "SCREW YOU" part of me thinks it's fine.

And I mean REALLY, if you're just going to stare at my tits every chance you get, the LEAST you can do is take out the friggin' trash. Am I right folks?