Why didn't anyone tell me about LOTION before?

I feel like somewhere along the line, I assumed that lotion was one of those things old ladies use, or really superficial girls use, or people try to make you feel like you need to buy because they make lotion. Turns out, lotion is kind of awesome!

Before I go on and on about how lotion is great, let me rant for a second here, because it's WHAT I FRIGGIN DO OKAY. Call me a feminist or whatever, but I sort of feel like it is TOTALLY bogus that as a girl I have to invest in approximately a bajillion beauty products and be thin in order to be seen as normal and effective. Being a girl for reals - going all the way with it - is a lot of friggin work, and money! This is really the perfect 'patriarchial society keeps the girls down' conspiracy theory. Here are the apparent choices:

1. Grow up to marry a guy and be supported by him, and also conform to rules about what you can and can't do in public and take care of all house care and child care FOR FREE while looking perfect, 1800s-style. You don't have to work, but you also have no property and no rights - bummer. Most people don't want this option, I think.
2. Grow up to work and support yourself, and enter into an equal marriage with a person of your choosing. This sounds pretty sweet, but let's think about this: in order to get to the stable life and relationship you have to do all sorts of 1800s-style things, like look pretty and not burp everywhere. You have to SPEND A SIGNIFICANT PORTION OF YOUR INCOME on friggin LOOKING PRETTY because pretty girls get paid more (I'm convinced there's a study somewhere that supports this theory because it's just TRUE). It's a pain in the butt and doesn't save any starving children - you still have less property 'cause of all the money you spent on not looking like a troll and you still have less choices about what to do and wear. IT'S A LOSE LOSE FOLKS. I think girls should boycott society and go to an island where we can burp and have skin like turtles and eat chocolate all the time and shoot guns into the sky if we want. That's what I think.

Anyway, back to the lotion thing. For some reasons not really worth mentioning (read: I got lotion every year for Christmas for like 12 years in a row and really what am I going to do drink it?), I decided to give daily lotioning a go. And holy cow, it is a real thing that makes things happen! Here are the things that happen if you use lotion daily:

1. Your skin looks nicer. No really, it is a true thing.
2. Your skin feels nicer. No really, stay with me, this one is true too.
3. Your clothes feel more comfy. This one really surprised me, but it is totally true. I put on my clothes this morning and they felt really comfortable, like, in a way they hadn't felt comfortable before. This is kind of awesome!

Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is if you want to take up daily lotioning I support that? Also, being a girl is just kind of a lot of effort, you guys.