Maybe we're having communication problems here, but I'm pretty sure that "Don't touch me" means that you don't friggin' touch me, douchebag.

So yesterday at the railroad some friggin' douchebag touched me. This should not really be a surprise, I suppose, because most of the men who come in and out of the office are old enough to be my grandpa or grunt at me like Neanderthals...BECAUSE THEY ARE (no offense Geico dudes).

Basically there's this one volunteer guy who's an older Italian guy and hasn't discovered that women have rights yet, and he came into the office over lunch, and went to pinch my cheek and I backed away and said "Do not touch me. People do not touch me without permission - do not touch me." So he backs away, but then when I went to lock the door he pinched my cheek anyway.

As you can imagine, I was furious. I am not a child or his relative, I am a grown woman and a full-time employee of the railroad and he deliberately went against my express wish that he NOT touch me. I turned to him and said calmly, "Are you serious? I am a person who has asked you not to touch me and you do it anyway? People DO NOT touch me without permission - DO NOT touch me." He looked all wounded and shit, like I'd hurt his feelings.

Look dude, you're lucky the only thing I hurt was your feelings! You're lucky your balls aren't writhing on the floor trying to crawl away from a machete right now. You're lucky you aren't in pieces being fed to dogs! You're lucky I didn't...shoot you into space?

Some people might think I'm overreacting. It's true, I am. And while I would not engage in physical retribution for a squeeze of the cheek (the one on my face you guys) I am extremely disappointed in a lack of respect. Am I younger than he is? Yes. Am I a woman? Yes. But those are the only two reasons why he might assume a false sense of superiority over me! I am an adult person who deserves to have her physical wishes respected.

Mom says that if he touches me again I have the right to slap his hand away, and if he does it again after that I can knee him in the groin. Mom is a former minister, so I'm pretty sure God agrees with her. I told her if he did it again after that I'd pull a Captain Kirk knee to the stomach + back chop move, and play that old Star Trek fight music in the background from the episode where Captain Kirk is fighting the big lizard thing with glitter eyes.

Mom understood that, and laughed. She also told the guy who touched me that I know Tae Kwan Do and that he needed to watch out because I knew how to kill people, even though it's not true.

I love my mom.