Gross all around! [DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU WANT BIG TMI]

So today's post is not for the faint of heart - no seriously I'm not kidding if you're not ready to be grossed out in a real way then don't read on.

This is the hair update: I have enough grease in my hair to fill my car's oil tank. If I dunked my head in bacon grease, it wouldn't be this greasy. Did someone empty a can of Vaseline onto my head while I was sleeping? Perhaps french fries? Seriously it is disgusting and when I shower it smells a little bit like wet dog. I thought maybe I would get away with being real rubby with water for a couple of months but it turns out that you can't roll wit' it when you're going to the gym everyday, folks. I FB messaged Ryan to see if I could wash my hair with cider vinegar before this weekend so that I can go to Rosh Hashanah without looking like I crawled out of the sewer, because I'm pretty sure that's impolite, and she said I could start tomorrow SO I'M GONNA 'CAUSE WHEN I ASKED MY MOM TO SMELL MY HAIR TO SEE IF IT WAS OKAY SHE SAID IT SMELLED LIKE THE SMELLY TOAD MAN FROM THE STATION WHO CAN'T HEAR AND YELLS ALWAYS.

Now, on a totally different note, do you ever have surprise poops? I feel like my poops are always surprises. Like, if it feels like it's gonna be huge and takes forever it's tiny, or if I have a sudden urge to go and it takes like 2 secs it's Triceratops-sized and Jeff Goldblum appears out of nowhere and is like "That is one big pile of shit" and reminds me to wash my hands. No seriously I think about Jeff Goldblum every time I get a big poop for that exact reason.

Really. Jurassic Park is in my life even in the bathroom. Also I wrote a whole blog about my gross hair and pooping.

...sometimes I think I have some problems.