VH1 Divas (not "live" this year, because Paula Abdul was involved)

So Michael Buckley of the "What the Buck?!" show on YouTube (P.S. I love that he uses an interrobang) is adding a segment to his show including viewer submissions and he asked us to watch VH1 divas 'cause that's what he's making the video about. Ordinarily I would never have watched VH1 divas, and I didn't even make it all the way through because a girl's got things to do, but I saw all of the solo performances so I feel pretty good about it. I haven't had a chance to film my little yet, because I worked more than 8 hours yesterday and I'm going to Rosh Hashanah today (maybe I'll film in the car? Probs on Sunday would be safer) so I'm deciding to blog about everything I thought about what I saw.

Let's be clear first: the people who were involved in this shit were Jennifer Hudson (diva), Kelly Clarkson (diva), Adele (didn't back up the diva with the song she sang but I believe it's true), Leona Lewis (British nutcase), Paula Abdul and Miley Cyrus (NOT DIVAS). What the heck, VH1? A lot of the people you got were great singers...I really enjoyed Jennifer's, Kelly's, Adele's, and even Leona's performances but give me a break. Paula Abdul DID NOT SING (which I mean, I know, she doesn't EVER sing and when she does it's auto-tuned live) and Miley Cyrus sang her one song she sings everywhere.

An observation: VH1 chose all overweight divas this time. I don't know what that's about, but the only person who was healthy weight or less on that stage was Miley, and she's a teenager so it doesn't count. I'm not counting Paula because I'm pretty sure all the drugs she's on gives her a super-human metabolism, and I'm not counting Leona because she's a basket case.

I don't know why I dislike Leona Lewis so much. People like her music because they say it sounds intense and like she's singing from her guts - I just think it sounds like she's throwing up always. And like, cheating...like she doesn't ever support her sound and just cheats around to hit whatever notes ever. Also she takes herself really seriously and never seems to quite focus on anything she's looking at but doesn't seem drugged out so I really think she's crazy in a Charles Manson way and is going to freak out on everyone someday.

Let's talk about clothing a little bit, okay? Jennifer Hudson, I love you, and there's no reason to look like a sausage. She wore one of those outfits that would look really cute in person at a party but should NEVER be worn on a stage...it was all boobs and thighs and it was made of leather and not flattering under the shiny lights. Jordan Sparks should not judge the length of her dress by the length of the fringe hanging from it - I'm surprised she could dance in that thing at all. Kelly Clarkson and Adele and Leona looked so elegant, and I WANTED their outfits, and Miley Cyrus dressed in an outfit that made her look like she was pooping toilet paper. Even my Mom was like "Miley, honey, WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?" (I love it when my Mom talks to the TV).

They also did these little intro things to when people sang, where they followed them around for a day or whatever, and this is how it made them look:

Jennifer Hudson: nice, but scripted (she didn't mention her family tragedy at all!)
Kelly Clarkson: AWESOME I WOULD TOTALLY HANG OUT WITH HER
Jordan Sparks: Clueless, like she's being led around by her wranglers to make everyone money 'cause she's hot right now
Adele: Sweet, not really business-savvy but super cute
Leona: FRIGGIN' NUTS
Miley: A small media baron

I'm pretty sure all those things are accurate!

Then all the divas started in on duets...All I know is that Leona Lewis looked like a poser next to Cindy Lauper and Jordan Sparks looked not talented at all next to whoever that other woman was - they didn't even share the big high note at the end of the song! After that I stopped watching 'cause I was tired and had to get up at 6am.

A couple of other short thoughts...Dudes on Divas = TOTALLY DUMB AND NOT OKAY, Liza Minelli being there and taking Paula's shoes = FTW and the banter between everything and the presenters of people = MIND NUMBINGLY DUMB. Also call me crazy but I think the Paula dancing like Ellen thing was in bad taste. It's one of those things that could easily be done supposedly in good fun that's really meant in a mean way and I don't think she should've done it at all.

So, if you DVR'd this thing, watch the performances and skip the rest 'cause it's not worth it.